chronicillness
I don't accept the full blame for my illness, as I believe that an illness like this isn't something you can ever truly claim responsibility for. It's dangerously satisfying to put the blame in a single place, but entirely wrong to do so. However, if I ignore the habits and things I did that contributed to the problem, then I haven't learned my lesson and continue to do damage to myself.
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When it comes to sharing my life on social media, there are certain things that I consider off-limits. But I value transparency when talking about my art career, because clearly examining the circumstances, privileges, and support that one receives (or does not receive) means that you understand more clearly where you’re coming from, what is within your control, and what you can achieve with it. It allows you to see the advantages (or disadvantages) that others have.
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When I'm gifted with a season of well-being and productivity, it's then that I give thanks. It's not always easy to exercise the gratitude muscle--there's plenty out there to make me jealous. And even though I have an "invisible illness," practicing gratitude makes me see the invisible things that support my creative practice. And anything that disturbs my peace isn't worth my time. I remember that things always change, and that adaptability and grace are the means of perseverance.
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Endless abundance is useless for making art. It's like asking question, what would you would do with a million dollars? or if you had all the time in the world, what would you do with it? The point in asking those questions is to show you where your priorities are (or should be). It’s a good exercise, up to a point.
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